Power dressing

On confidence, and padded shoulders

“Can you recall some times when you’ve dressed in a particular way to calm yourself or gain a sense of control over a situation that scared you?”

It turns I love shoulder pads. But I didn’t know this about myself until this week.

As a child of the late ‘80s, I grew up seeing my mom wear all sorts of garments with padded shoulders — blazers, party dresses, I can even remember a white T-shirt — and thinking she looked cool but also somehow not like herself. Those weren’t her shoulders!

As a teen, I’d thrift dresses from the ‘80s and ‘90s and immediately go home and rip out the shoulder pads. Tacky! Gaudy! Trying to be something you’re not!

But this week, as I started to consider the question of dressing for a sense of calm or control, I realized that in moments of fear or anxiety I’ve subconsciously reached for padded shoulders or a similar “power” look.

Like when I was newly single at 27

I got divorced when I was 27, after a chaotic four-year marriage, and when I started dating again I was (understandably!) petrified. I hadn’t been single in a long time, dating apps were a thing, and, oh yeah, post-divorce trauma.

And so I armed myself — with very good jackets. My power jackets wrapped me in a confidence I sorely lacked and offered me a way to close myself off if a date was going poorly. Because nothing says, “We’re about done here,” like leaning back in your seat, crossing one thigh over the other, and wrapping your jacket over your chest.

Or for a scary job interview

Wearing my flower suit at a work event, 2018

I can’t tell you how much I love this flower suit. It became my favorite thing in my closet the moment I brought it home, and it’s the thing I miss most now that I can no longer fit into it post-baby.

I’ve worn it a thousand times, mostly for work events where I wanted to project a sense of #Girlboss realness (lol), but the occasion I remember most vividly was a job interview at the Los Angeles offices of Who What Wear.

I was desperate for a solid full-time gig, and I’d had an incredible phone call with the woman at the top of the WWW heap, so I knew that if I nailed the in-person interview I’d have a pretty good shot at the job. But after years of working from home in sweats, my professional style had taken a beating. Luckily, I had one secret weapon — my flower-power suit. I put it on, paring it with a black T-shirt and a hot-pink lip, and I stomped my way into that office like I was already running the place. (I didn’t get the job — but don’t worry, a much better one came along.)

Another thing I love about this flower suit? My grandmother had one almost exactly like it. And we bought them independently, without seeing the other’s first.

Photo by Kat Rizza

And just this past week, when I was trying to channel some old-me confidence

Writing this newsletter has really motivated me to think about clothes and dressing in a way I haven’t in a really long time. The theme I’ve returned to over and over in these essays is confidence — that finding my “look” helped me feel, act, and be more confident. And I’m craving that now.

So last weekend, inspired by this newsletter, I strapped my son into his stroller and walked over to the new vintage boutique, Pax Flora Goods, that just opened a block from my house. And wouldn’t you know it, the first dress I pulled out and tried on had padded shoulders — and it looked f&^%ing great on me. Even my son was pointing and shouting when I tried it on (probably because he wanted to grab the beads, but I’m choosing to think it’s because he appreciated his mom’s cool style).

Of course, there’s nothing surprising about any of this. Women have been power dressing and donning shoulder pads for a century — consider the “Victory Suit” of the 1940s, worn by many working women who joined the war effort.

Women volunteers wear Victory Suits in New York City, circa 1942 (Photo via Library of Congress)

And who can forget the 1980s, arguably the decade of the shoulder pad, and the era when women joined the professional workforce en masse.

The point is, there’s a link between women’s empowerment and the shoulder pad, or the “power” look (shoulder pads even had a moment during the #MeToo movement in 2018) and I feel good knowing I’m channeling that history every time I don my padded shoulders to soothe frayed nerves or give myself a confidence boost.