To the mamas
On style and motherhood
Happy Mother’s Day, mamas
Much as I love being my son’s mother, I do not find Mother’s Day easy. It freezes up my brain in this weird way that makes me forgetful and vacant and unable to make any decisions.
Like, for example, I could not decide for my life what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day. My husband’s been asking me for weeks now and the best I could come up with is “go canoeing” — but then when I started researching places we could go I got overwhelmed and chucked the whole plan.
So, yeah, Mother’s Day is fraught for me.
I’ve written before about my (lack of) relationship with my own mother, and that’s really the root of the whole thing. Or should I say the rootlessness of it.
I remember my first Mother’s Day “without” my mom — I came home from somewhere and my dog ran outside to greet me, but I didn’t notice she was still outside my apartment when I shut the door. I went on with my day for a good 15 minutes thinking she’d gone to nap in my bedroom when I heard my neighbor’s voice outside saying, “Where’s your mama little dog?”
Where’s your mama, indeed.
I am trying to reclaim Mother’s Day, though, one year at a time. This is my second Mother’s Day as a mom and I’m feeling maybe 10-15% better than last year emotionally. That’s progress! My baby has been extra snuggly and sweet today too, which helps; maybe he can sense his mama is struggling.
Getting dressed today made me feel surprisingly good. I’m not wearing anything particularly special, just black shorts and a stripey, short-sleeve, button-down shirt, but when I put this outfit on I had that feeling of, “Yes, it’s me in the mirror. I recognize myself.” And that’s a beautiful thing.
In honor of motherhood and its transformative effect on our style (not to mention our sense of self, our identity, our bodies … you get it), I asked some of my very dearest mom friends to answer a question.
“What changed about your style, for better or worse, after becoming a mother?”
Thank you to my beautiful friends for obliging.
“I feel like I've transcended anything that hints at innocence and girlishness — lace, florals, and polka dots. Now that I'm done with pregnancies and breastfeeding, I'm looking forward to exploring my next style era.”
— Anna
“I think style took a backseat until we got out of the toddler years. Getting out of the house with everybody clean and something covering our bodies was the accomplishment.”
— Ashley
“Style-wise I had a very teenager-like rebellion to finding out I was pregnant with twins, and went out and bought platform Doc Martins. Incredibly uncomfortable. I only recently gave them away.”
— Emma
“For me, I became the kind of person who wears socks and sandals. Like, a lot. After having a kid, I generally started caring less about trends and more about what looked best for my changing body.”
— Lindsay
“I feel like because I was so young when I became a mom [my style] didn't change much. But now that she's a teenager, the hardest part is staying true to what I want my style to be while also just accepting that she finds it incredibly cringe and embarrassing sometimes. But also, once in a while, we can bond over certain things. For example, I want to really dig into the Y2K thing coming back and she finds it cringe that I'm into it. But we both got those velour jumpsuits from H&M.”
— Heather
Whether you’re mothering a human, grieving a loss, or mothering yourself, Happy Mother’s Day.
xo