What's even cool now anyway?
On dressing and shopping when you're out of practice
When I met my 20-something colleague for the first time this summer, I noticed right away that she was wearing high-waisted wide-leg jeans. Ordinarily I wouldn’t laser in on the cut of someone’s jeans like that but there’s been a lot of ~discourse~ about Gen Z vs. millennial denim styles so I made a mental note: She looked comfortable and free.
Yes, that’s probably because she’s 20-something and her back doesn’t ache all the time, but the jeans added to her air of liberation. Paired with a baggy tee and loose curls, she looked straight out of Woodstock 1969 — and as the child of a former long-haired, wide-jean-wearing hippie, I was inspired.
I decided I had to get out of my skinny-jean millennial rut and try something new, so I bought some high-waisted wide-leg jeans online from Old Navy (don’t judge, they make some comfy pants).
But, uh, it was not a great first encounter.
Truth be told I actually did feel quite comfortable in these — my legs could breathe! — but the cut of the jeans had a distinctly tree trunk-y effect on my legs, which was not my fave. I was extremely bummed.
I told my colleague about my disheartening experience and she insisted I try again. “Try Madewell! Or Everlane!” she said. “It’s all about finding the right fit!” Which of course is true, and finding jeans that fit is the ultimate mission. But I was so put off by this experience that I immediately slinked back to my trusty skinny pants.
Does trying new things even matter?
I am completely out of practice when it comes to shopping for — and wearing — new trends. I am not a follower of trends generally (I prefer to wear what looks nice on me and makes me feel good, and also I like to dress a little weirder than trends allow) but the fact is trends dictate what’s available in stores, so if you want new clothes you sometimes have to try what’s “in style.” I am just so loathe to do this.
I think it’s because I have a problem with authority. For example, sometimes I think I’d like to have a “dress code,” as my friend Rachel has thoughtfully written about in the past, but then I think I’d get awfully bored of wearing the same styles all the time and end up splurging on random items out of pure spite for my self-imposed uniform. A (ridiculous) rejection of “authority”! Buying what I’m “told” by shopping current trends feels kind of the same — like the stores are telling me how I should look. (I know this is a bit wacky, but oh well — it’s true.)
On the other hand, I like to try new things! It’s fun to get out of your comfort zone and dress up in what may feel like a costume. Plus, there’s evidence that trying new things is good for our emotional health, and I like to think dressing in new ways counts here too. So I know I should persist on my new-jeans journey and maybe give Madewell or Everlane a try. It’s just… ughhhh.
And around and around I go. Which is why I am still, currently, wearing skinny jeans.
It’s all about getting inspired
My sister texted me last night because she was getting ready to go out to a club with some friends for the first time in years and felt like she had nothing to wear. She sent me a photo of herself wearing black skinny jeans and her teen daughter’s cute black crop top and she looked good!!! But she was feeling kind of meh because a crop top and skinny jeans is her usual uniform and she wanted to wear something that felt a little more special for a truly big night out.
I gave her some advice I realized I need to take myself: “It’s a process!!” I wrote. “Just go with what you have/feel comfortable in for now and then go shopping tomorrow when you have some inspiration!”
“You so smart,” she texted back. Which made me laugh. But also it was pretty good advice!
I started thinking about what (and who) inspires me when I shop and dress. I love throwback minimalists like Audrey Hepburn (skinny pants alert) and Jane Birkin (queen of the white tee and white button-down) and modern maximalists like Kahlana Barfield Brown and Teyana Taylor (who can both wear the fuck out of a suit, a bold pattern, and some super-wide pants). I also love seeing what other women wear in real life — like a mom friend I made recently, who wears high-waisted wide-leg jeans and cropped sweatshirts. Talk about inspo!! I realized I need more of it — to actually take it in and process it and roll it around in my mind until I have a lightbulb moment.
So my plan is this: To write down styles I want to try when I see other people wearing them — famous, friend, or otherwise — and then look for those things in my closet (hey, you never know) or physically go to a store and try them on. I don’t want to live in the past and keep wearing the same cuts and styles just because I’ve always done it. I want to evolve, just like my identity is evolving and the world is changing around me.
Rut? What rut?